Time after Time


my photograph of the “david” in the Central Park. Millo (c)


So I finally can do something about the back.

Thrilled to finally take steps to correct this long standing problem made worse by the additional weight I was/am carrying. I am happy to have this time to finally make the physical changes I need to to go forward in my life and career. With the postponement of Medea till next year, and the rescheduling of the Woolsey Hall with my charming friend Roberto Iarussi turning into something different than I had thought, I decided now is the time to do what I must to correct the weight problem, which I have had modest success so far in doing and to physically become more of an athlete so as to insure the health in the future.

35 pounds came off last year only to have the back go out…… the medicines given to “improve” the situation it did nothing more than add more weight and make movement impossible. So how do you lose? These are tiresome, unusual and unmusical duties, and that bores me to tears… A nation obsessed with weight and looks. GUess it is my turn to take a number and get in line.

Oprah wondered how she got here. I know how I got here. One fork full at a time. All the catch phrases apply. “Self medicating” “pushing down emotion”….. but about what?

I examined my last few years, and I think I know what it was.

The emotion of seeing a beloved parent dying in front of you; full of hope till the end, bad news after bad news about the inability of medicine to save her, the courage displayed; ambulances wrenching the person from home to face mortality in a hospice, and the finality of the phrase, “She’s gone!”. I was heavy in 2001, when Mom arrived. But not this crazy. That was workable. This is not. I haven’t stopped since she died and now guessing as I am at the truth, confirming it is hard too, that food is a “band-aid” on a gash so big that nothing can heal it except the glaring light of the truth and acceptance of loss.

NO cutting, no lap bands, no gastric bypass and all that, just hard work. So in the Fall for Eve the concert of my 25th anniversary, I should be as close to right as I have been since this nightmare began. For those who care about me and my voice, send me some good thoughts and energies, .

I miss you Mom. Stay close. ” Look Ma, no hands!”

~ by aprilemillo on February 13, 2009.

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